- New Stuff
- Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.
- A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken straight to the first body.
- "This guy was an Englishman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his
mistress. Hence the enormous smile Inspector", says the mortuary chief.
- The D.I. nods understandingly and is taken to the second dead man.
- "This was an American, 25, won 124 million dollars in the Power Ball, spent it all
on booze. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the contended smile."
- "Nothing unusual here", thinks the D.I., and asks to be shown the last body.
- "Ah," says the chief, "this is the most unusual one, a Sardar, 30, struck
- "Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken," replies the chief.
- Father : Rahul, why were you wearing your spectacles while sleeping?
- Rahul : To see my dreams more clearly,Dad.
- I COULD HAVE BEEN...
- A Jockey, but could not take anyone for a ride.
- A Tea Taster, but it wasn't quite my cup of tea.
- An Ornithologist, but could'n get a birds eye-view.
- An opera singer, but I hated to blow my own trumpet.
- Son : Who among father and son is more intelligent?
- father : The father, naturally.
- Son : Really? Then why did Columbus discover America, why not his father!
- Young man to pretty lady in the queue : Haven't I seen you some where earlier?
- Lady(sweetly) : I am sure you have. I am a nurse at the mantel hospital.
- Client : Tow hundred for asking two questions! Isn't this rate too much?
- Advocate : So it is. Now what's the second questions.
- Raja : Come on in, and don't mind the dog.
- Visitor : Does he bite?
- Raja : That's what i want to find out. I only bought him this morning.
- Sign in a bakery : Thank you for not dieting.
- Sine in a shopwindow : This is a non profit making organisation. That is why we are
- On the licence plate of a taxi : where2?
- Cutlery they like ---
- Gardeners : Forks
- Champions : Cups
- Engravers : Plates
- Portrait painters : Mugs
- Cricketers : Bowls
- Visitor at a small zoo : That's marvellous, having a lion and monkey in the same cage.
How do they get along?
- Zookeeper : Okay, usually. Occasionally they have a disagreement and we have to get a
- The baby owl kept saying : "What?"
- It's wise old father said : "Son, it's not 'what.' It's whoa......"
- She :Darling now that we are engaged, can you give me a ring ?
- He : Certainly, what's your phonenumber ?
- All about authors
- The shivering author : William Shakespeare.
- The quickest author : Jonathan Swift.
- The heaviest author : John Milton.
- The tallest Author : H W Longfellow.
- The coolest Author : Robert Frost.
- Dialogue between husband and wife when their village gets electrified.
- Husband : At least we can now have what these shaherwalas always enjoyed.
- Wife : What's that ?
- Husband : Power cuts.
- Lady : Can the chldren travel in the bus on a half tickets ?
- Conductor : Yes, provided they are less than 12.
- Lady : Thank God, I have only 9
- A police detective questioning a drunk in a bar : "Do you know a man with one eye
named Tony ?"
- "Can't say I do. What's the name of his other eye ?"
- Love Notes :
- Cardiologist : Heart throb.
- Confectioner : Sweetheart.
- Astrologer : Heaven knows.
- Son : Father, how much am I worth ?
- Father : Why son, you're worth a million to me.
- Son : Then please advance me some of it.
- Surgeon at operating table : Give him anesthesia, I'm ready to start.
- Anaesthist : His heart is week, will he be able to stand it ?
- Surgeon : Don't worry, I'll take the risk.
- Patient interrupting : Just a moment, gentleman. Let us first clearly understand who's
taking the risk !
- Doctor to patient : An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
- The patient who is in love the doctor's wife, presents her a bushel of apples.
- Wife : Wherever we keep the money, our son steals it. I don't know what to do about it.
- Husband : Keep it in his textbook. He will never touch it.
- Teacher : I asked everyone to draw a ring, why have you drawn a square ?
- Suresh : This square is a ring -a boxing ring.