Titanic Made In Bollywood
Have you ever wondered what would be in "Titanic" if the same was made in "Bollywood"? The name of the movie would be "Goa to Bombay". Well here it goes !
- Madhuri has to be Rose and who else but Shahrukh as JJJJJ JJJ Jack. Madhuri's fiance would be Gulshan Grover who mutters "Bad Man" everytime he sees Shahrukh.
- Amitabh Bacchan would make a guest appearance as the Ship's captain and would be waltzing with Madhuri during the party. Of course, he would not die.
- Shahrukh will be travelling with his sister and 5 other chamchas from college plus 50 extras who are well trained with every dance sequence in the world.
- The movie would only last for 7 hours. Thanks to great piece of editing, there would be only 22 songs in the movie out of 30 in CD album.
- The ship would be overflowing with extras whom you normally find in movies that have a court scene full of people or a slum full of aam-janta. The ship will start sinking, not because of the iceberg but because of excessive on-board population.
- The infamous lovemaking in the back seat of the car would be replaced with a song in the Swiss Alps.
- Best friend of Shahrukh will save his sister from being raped during chaos. The sister will instantly fall in love right after this and she will also get a song or two.
- Remember Rose changing her mind about jumping into the water? In our case, Madhuri changes her mind, since...since... the ship is moving along a creek and the water stinks !
- How can we forget the painting scene? Shahrukh would be painting Madhuri's portrait with Madhuri fully covered minus the locket (Censors yaar !). This is to be followed by a dance number, with extras of course, in a art gallery.
- Shahrukh would eventually find his long lost mom Aasoo Devi on the ship. Only during the climax would Aasoo Devi tell Shahrukh about how Gulshan troubled them. Shahrukh would then yell, "Kutte mein tera khoon pee jaaoonga". The ensuing fight would only last for an hour.
- There would be an antakshari for the "drowners" conducted by Annu Kapoor instead of the trio playing the violin.
- Most important!! The number of times the word "Bachaoooo" would be yelled would be a record in the history of cinema.
- And the masterpiece would be waste of time...ooops waste of money without...
- "Raaaabert...Captain se ja ke kaho ke agar apni maa or bahen ko zinda dekhna chahte ho to naav ko Hindustaan kee sarhado se hamesha hamesha ke liye bahooot door le le..." (Pran's Dialog)